In my last post I spoke of my sadness throughout the bulk of last weekend. Lots of unexpected tears (haven’t cried in a long while) marking a new, unfortunate phase of this experience for me.
So I’m going to speak of how the little things can make a big difference to how you feel…even if just for a short while.
Now I have met some crossdreamers who say they can’t look at themselves and feel beautiful. I get it. If I put on my cynical goggles and look at myself in the mirror I only see the pathetic bearded lady or sad wannabee trans woman-thing.
If clothing doesn’t do anything for you then this post isn’t for you.
Without the goggles on though, I can perceive my inner beauty. I see imperfect glimpses of it in the mirror. It feels wonderful. It’s real.
One of the best decisions I have made so far is to wear women’s underwear every day now (unless my wonderful girlfriend is visiting – then Saxx boxers it is). I wear satin string bikini panties, various satin bras and usually a lace thigh band (bandalette) on my right leg. It makes me feel a bit better every day just knowing that I wear the correct underwear….finally.
Oh, I forgot. If I go ride motorcycles (on-road or off-road) I wear boxers too. I don’t want to get in an accident and have to get outed in the hospital. 😉
This simple act actually means a lot to me. When I have to wear men’s underwear I can’t help but feel disappointed.
I’m also trying to learn to do my own makeup (mixed results). I have an esthetician friend who helps me when I need it but even just a bit of eyeliner and lipstick make me happy.
The Friday night before my shitty weekend of tears was actually great. Again, just the little things.
I had finally received a black and flower print keyhole dress in the mail that I had ordered. I was so excited to try it on but left it until later that evening so I didn’t have to rush.
I finally got to put the dress on and it looked and felt absolutely wonderful to me. I felt so good and I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face all night. I only felt disappointed that I couldn’t just walk out of my house and go sit down somewhere in public for a glass of white somewhere.
So to anyone else I am just the bearded guy with lipstick, breast forms and wearing a dress. I’m Corporal Klinger from M*A*S*H. At best, an obscene caricature of a woman. At worst, some kind of pervert.
To me though it makes me feel beautiful. I can see HER more clearly.
I can’t say what works for you. There are so many ups and downs with gender dysphoria (or so I am finding out) that the little things can make all the difference.
Find your little things. Do them as much as you possibly can.
Hi Alli good to see you here!
Ourselves and our many selves.
Even better to see you here. Never thought I’d have company. 😉