October 8, 2019

The simple things…

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In my last post I spoke of my sadness throughout the bulk of last weekend. Lots of unexpected tears (haven’t cried in a long while) marking a new, unfortunate phase of this experience for me.

So I’m going to speak of how the little things can make a big difference to how you feel…even if just for a short while.

Now I have met some crossdreamers who say they can’t look at themselves and feel beautiful. I get it. If I put on my cynical goggles and look at myself in the mirror I only see the pathetic bearded lady or sad wannabee trans woman-thing.

If clothing doesn’t do anything for you then this post isn’t for you.

Without the goggles on though, I can perceive my inner beauty. I see imperfect glimpses of it in the mirror. It feels wonderful. It’s real.

One of the best decisions I have made so far is to wear women’s underwear every day now (unless my wonderful girlfriend is visiting – then Saxx boxers it is). I wear satin string bikini panties, various satin bras and usually a lace thigh band (bandalette) on my right leg. It makes me feel a bit better every day just knowing that I wear the correct underwear….finally.

Oh, I forgot. If I go ride motorcycles (on-road or off-road) I wear boxers too. I don’t want to get in an accident and have to get outed in the hospital. 😉

This simple act actually means a lot to me. When I have to wear men’s underwear I can’t help but feel disappointed.

I’m also trying to learn to do my own makeup (mixed results). I have an esthetician friend who helps me when I need it but even just a bit of eyeliner and lipstick make me happy.

The Friday night before my shitty weekend of tears was actually great. Again, just the little things.

I had finally received a black and flower print keyhole dress in the mail that I had ordered. I was so excited to try it on but left it until later that evening so I didn’t have to rush.

I finally got to put the dress on and it looked and felt absolutely wonderful to me. I felt so good and I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face all night. I only felt disappointed that I couldn’t just walk out of my house and go sit down somewhere in public for a glass of white somewhere.

So to anyone else I am just the bearded guy with lipstick, breast forms and wearing a dress. I’m Corporal Klinger from M*A*S*H. At best, an obscene caricature of a woman. At worst, some kind of pervert.

To me though it makes me feel beautiful. I can see HER more clearly.

I can’t say what works for you. There are so many ups and downs with gender dysphoria (or so I am finding out) that the little things can make all the difference.

Find your little things. Do them as much as you possibly can.

Alli xoxo

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