I have changed a lot as I have gotten older. I find myself far less argumentative and needing to be right. A big departure as I have historically been a person of strong opinions.

I always care about what is happening in the world but find myself weary of politics and nations which cannot seem to evolve socially despite having centuries to do so. People still hate, people still starve…we still hurt one another. We evolve at a snail’s pace…if at all.

So I allow other people to argue while I sit on my porch in my rocking chair, drink in hand…ever the holier-than-thou realist.

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In 2019 I was introduced (quite savagely) to something they call Gender Dysphoria.

In some ways a beautiful thing despite the pain. The path through the dark forest that leads you back to yourself…

So I know who I am. I like to think my needs are simple. I just want the woman on the outside to look like the one I am on the inside and actually live my life. I want to go shopping, go to work, go out for dinner with my girlfriend…just live.

I don’t need to get political about this.

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I was in a recent counselling session when I was lamenting all the lost time. What cruelty is this that I am only me now at 48? What about the childhood I never had? What about all those life experiences I missed? Everything viewed through the wrong lens, all the rides at the amusement park…broken.

“I don’t think this could have ever happened for you 20 or 30 years ago. There was no context for all this. The world wasn’t where it is today. This option just didn’t exist in your world. Now it does and you have life experience, support and resources to do something about it now.”, my counselor suggested. She’s right.

This happening to me now is only possible because people decided to get political.

LGBTQ+ people have had to die, almost die, and face being marginalized just to be (of all things) themselves.

All so I can finally feel things might be okay for me to come out. All so I can go out to buy groceries in a dress…

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I met up with a trans girl friend for lunch the other day. In the course of conversation I asked her if she had been to our local version of the Pride parade.

She said that she had attended once but felt somewhat out of place as she wasn’t very “political about things”. She likely wouldn’t go again.

I wondered if I would ever go…after all, I wasn’t feeling very political either.

I was going to be one of those chill trans people who doesn’t get all bent out of shape about shit.

After all, who wants to be arguing with TERF’s all day?

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…but I can’t be that person.

How can I have the benefit of being able to come out now and not give two shits about how this new life of mine came to be reality? I just can’t.

I ordered 3 flags for myself and hopefully my girlfriend to carry at the next Pride parade. I have changed my politics to make sure marginalized people are supported.

Honestly this amounts to jack shit as far as a contribution goes but I am no longer content to just reap the rewards.

I still have every intention of buying groceries in that dress. I just won’t forget what other’s had to endure so that I could do so without getting my ass kicked…or worse.

The fight isn’t over. People are still being persecuted and killed. How can this not be political?

I have it far too easy. I am thankful for those who stood up for my rights…before I knew I ever needed them.

Alli xoxo