October 1, 2019

Cloak and Dagger

So this is my blog. Likely nobody will ever read it. That’s okay. This is just a place for me to get my thoughts down for some catharsis and to be able to look back and reflect on one of the most terrifying and wonderful parts of my life. Many of my posts originated from the forum at Crossdream Life.

I don’t claim that anything is particularly well-written. I still see some things I’ve meant to fix. I may or may not get around to any of it. I’m not even sure if my story ever ends…

If you happen to be reading this and you can relate to anything I have posted that’s great. I have never been more confused in my life. My heart breaks for anyone having a tough time with their gender.

Alli xoxo

PS – I’m not here to try and make any money. There will be no ads. There will be no links to donate money to me. I just want this to help me process and maybe if I’m lucky – help someone else on a similar path who may happen upon my site.

You aren’t alone….


  • As you know, Alli, a lot of writing — novelists’, poets’, dramatists’ writing — arises out of unhappiness. (And quite often the most comic writing, not just the tragic stuff.) Not that it’s much consolation. I think you said (hope I’ve remembered right) that you have or had a counsellor. Does that help? Are you still seeing the beautician (not the word you used, but I think it’s the same thing — we’re on different sides of the Pond aka Atlantic!)?

    • Hi there,
      Really never expected to see any posts on my site. Thank you. Mostly just my own diary so I can benefit from some theoretical catharsis and to be able to look back on one of the most mind-boggling parts of my life sometime in the future.

      The counselor (to my surprise) does help. I think the biggest struggle I have (had) is feeling like I must be crazy. The counselor has probably helped the most with that part. I feel like I’m moving on…hopefully.

      It’s an expensive thing to do but yes. I’d like to see my esthetician friend regularly if possible but at some point I have to worry about the money spent. Thankfully that relationship has flooded over into real life a bit so things like the makeup party I got invited to have come up.

      I’m pretty sure beautician and esthetician are interchangeable but maybe I’m committing a faux pas there like blowing a gender pronoun. 😉

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